What else could I do?
by CyberInsanity
Summary: Sometimes pain can drive a person over the edge and for one of the bladers that edge is drawing ever closer. warnings self harm, suicide, character death.


Sometimes pain is just too much to bear.

I'll bet you don't know what pain is a cut or a scratch maybe, a punch or a kick. Ha that's nothing try being beaten till you can barely stand and almost faint from loss of blood, try being abused by a parent who you thought loved you. That's pain, that's my idea of pain.

I suppose I'm thankful this pain has stopped, but in its place is a different kind of pain. The pain of memory. Sitting there think about my memories has the power to make my mind subconsciously shut down, no not shut down but fill my mind with images I wish weren't there, but they are and I can do nothing to make them go away.

Whether or not my teammates suffer the same pain as me I don't know, we all went through the same horror, so why is it only me suffering? No one knows about my pain, they can't I'm their captain, I can't, I mustn't let myself fail them, let them know my weakness, never let them see my despair.

Now I'm laying here in the dead of night a cold sweat on my forehead, eyes wide open as the moon filters in through the blinds. The heat of pain and fear rips through my body flowing through my veins reaching every last inch of my pale, scarred body. I need something cold, something to cool the heat of pains fire. Reaching under my pillow I grab an object and make my way to the small bathroom adjoined to my bedroom. Switching on the lights I look down at the object in my hands. It fits in my palm perfectly glinting in the artificial light, one look tells you what it's used for, dried blood covers the blade.

Without a seconds thought I press the pocket knife to my forearm and sharply draw it back watching as the cool metal chills pains fire. I watch as blood slowly flows out creating ribbons of crimson along my arm, down over my wrist, slowly over my hand and fingers before hitting the tiles with a quiet drop.

This isn't the first time ribbons have covered my arms the many, many scares show me that. I should really stop, but I can't. I should go and see someone, but I can't. With the upbringing I've had how on earth could I trust anyone on the earth. Even if could, even if had had a good upbringing I couldn't talk because I can see past the pain. But if my upbringing hadn't been so traumatic I wouldn't have this pain to contend with now.

As I sit their thinking a small voice sound in the back of my head, steadily getting louder and louder. _You could end the pain, it's possible you know it is just cut it all away end it all and stop the pain. _I couldn't could I? No what about all the things I have on this planet my team, my blading, I'm still young my entire future is sprawled ahead of me like a giant map, i only need to pick the right road. _Don't be stupid what have you got to live for your pointless, worthless, you have no future just end it._

My vision becomes fuzzy as my eyes fill up with tears I swore would never fall, it was right what future did I have what girl would want me? Who would befriend me? I have no-one and nothing. Picking up the knife again I thought about after. Would anyone cry? I doubt it no-one would miss me. I let a short humourless laugh. This just proved it about to take my own life and I'm laughing, those people who say my mind is messed up are right.

Lifting up the pocket knife I turn my arm over so I can see the veins running up my wrist. A mix of blue and purple made all the more obvious by my deathly pale skin. In second the blade was pressed against my skin, cutting harder, deeper than before. When I'm done the blood is pulsing out at an alarming rate but I realise it isn't enough to kill me. Slashing the knife against both my wrists numerous times till pools of blood are gathering on the floor.

The world starts to spin and my eyelids grow heavy and I don't even try to keep them open, a lifetime of regrets flash in front of me as I fall with a loud crash back onto the cold tiles.

And everything goes black.

They found the body two days later and the story broke in the paper the next day, documenting the apparent suicide of one a beybladings stars. Exactly one month after his death a funeral was held in Moscow, Russia. Faces were grave as the vicar read his sermon and even a tear or two was shed for the blader who life they were celebrating. The gather mourners walked by the grave saying their last goodbyes, a little while after everyone had left the last group of people approached the grave. Standing still the Russians stood silently for a while before Bryan spoke

"Why, Tala why do this?"

They turned and left without another word being spoken and without their knowing a pair of aqua blue eyes brimming with the tears he promised he would never shed watched the figures as they left the graveyard.

"There was nothing else for me to do."


End file.
